Therapy

I'd say it's been about a year since I posted. Alot has happened, but not much has changed. Looking back on my other two entries I'm realizing a few things. First of all, i am who I am and if you (meaning my boyfriend) don't like it, shove it. I wrote in one entry that I was needy. P:erhaps. But the point is part of it is I have a huge heart and I just need to give it away. My boyfriend doesn't understand this and gets suspicious.
I'm alot more giving than my boyfriend. He's constantly down, constantly cynical. I mean, that's not all he is or I wouldn't be with him. My point is I try to build him up, not tear him down. I don't think I've told him too many times, "get over it" or "deal with it" maybe I have, but I don't recall it. And I try to do it in a loving, gentle way.
So anyway, yesterday A 15 year long friendship ends with my friend telling me she doesn't have time for me anymore. Naturally I'm depressed. So he says, "you're always down lately" not at all in a comforting way. My first reaction is I'm pissed. Fucking help me please. Next I'm thinking, is this true. I suppose it's good to know, I need to keep an eye on it. But anyway, back to being pissed. I just know I can rely on one person: myself.

Therapy

I'd say it's been about a year since I posted. Alot has happened, but not much has changed. Looking back on my other two entries I'm realizing a few things. First of all, i am who I am and if you (meaning my boyfriend) don't like it, shove it. I wrote in one entry that I was needy. P:erhaps. But the point is part of it is I have a huge heart and I just need to give it away. My boyfriend doesn't understand this and gets suspicious.
I'm alot more giving than my boyfriend. He's constantly down, constantly cynical. I mean, that's not all he is or I wouldn't be with him. My point is I try to build him up, not tear him down. I don't think I've told him too many times, "get over it" or "deal with it" maybe I have, but I don't recall it. And I try to do it in a loving, gentle way.
So anyway, yesterday A 15 year long friendship ends with my friend telling me she doesn't have time for me anymore. Naturally I'm depressed. So he says, "you're always down lately" not at all in a comforting way. My first reaction is I'm pissed. Fucking help me please. Next I'm thinking, is this true. I suppose it's good to know, I need to keep an eye on it. But anyway, back to being pissed. I just know I can rely on one person: myself.

Therapy

I'd say it's been about a year since I posted. Alot has happened, but not much has changed. Looking back on my other two entries I'm realizing a few things. First of all, i am who I am and if you (meaning my boyfriend) don't like it, shove it. I wrote in one entry that I was needy. P:erhaps. But the point is part of it is I have a huge heart and I just need to give it away. My boyfriend doesn't understand this and gets suspicious.
I'm alot more giving than my boyfriend. He's constantly down, constantly cynical. I mean, that's not all he is or I wouldn't be with him. My point is I try to build him up, not tear him down. I don't think I've told him too many times, "get over it" or "deal with it" maybe I have, but I don't recall it. And I try to do it in a loving, gentle way.
So anyway, yesterday A 15 year long friendship ends with my friend telling me she doesn't have time for me anymore. Naturally I'm depressed. So he says, "you're always down lately" not at all in a comforting way. My first reaction is I'm pissed. Fucking help me please. Next I'm thinking, is this true. I suppose it's good to know, I need to keep an eye on it. But anyway, back to being pissed. I just know I can rely on one person: myself.

can"t breathe, can't sleep

3 am. unusual for me. I usually sleep like a rock. I'm not sure why I'm having trouble sleeping. could it be as simple as I'm having some boyfriend problems. I didn't even realize I was having boyfriend problems. They were all in his head and came spiraling out this evening. The thing is I'm more "needy" than he is and I have a more outgoing, gregarious personality. he is more introspective and self sufficiednt. But I am proud, and woe unto the person who accuses me of being insensitive to their needs.
I love him dearly, and I need to give him more "space". I'm happy to do so,but I can't read his mind. I mean, I'm not saying I'm innocent. Here's one example. He was trying to read tonight and I siad to him "do you have any idea how special you are" I guess I do things like that all the time and I can see how that would be pretty annoying if you're trying to concentrate, but I must not have clued into that otherwise I wouldn't have done it. I mean, ideally IK should have realized on my own but sometimes I get caught up in my own emotions and become a tad oblivious. plus since what I say is positive stuff I didn't see the harm. another example is I was practicing piano, which sometimes can be kind of lonely and he wanted to read so I asked him to read in the piano room, which I could sense he didn't want to do, but I talked him into it. A tad selfish.
See,, one of the problems is I'm very up front, and I get frustrated when other people aren't the same way. My feeling is he could have said, "please don't talk to me now,, IK'm reading" and when I invited him into the piano room, he could have said no. So I feel he should take some responsibility. But he's sensitive and I guess he was afraid to hurt my feelings. We've been together a relatively short time (dating 3 months, living together 3 months) I guess he just doesn't realize yet how strong I am. he will.

sometimes life sucks for ten minutes

sometimes life sucks for ten minutes. my life anyway. But I have special circumstances. I'm a type 1 diabetic. Today I walked and walked and walked and my blood sugar plummeted. I hear all the time people saying their blood sugar feels low but I don't think they really know what a true low blood sugar feels like. I doubt if they tested their blood sugar it would register 40 (which is really low. ) I have the most wonderful and understanding boyfriend in the world, but he doesn't quite get it yet. He doesn't realize that when my blood sugar is forty I have to eat NOW. not yesterday, not tommorow, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes p;eople who say their blood sugar is low can sit and wait in a restaurant for the bread or food to come. I can't wait.; I can't describe the feeling, y6ou have to be in my shoes, but I can decribe the hunger. A genteleman in a diabetes group I was once in talkedx about it best. He de4cribed it as a primitive hunger. The way I describe it is I feel like I could eat a whole continenent. I don't feel this way during every insulin reacxtion, thank god. Usually some glucose tablets placate me. I'd actually say the continental hunger thing happens only once in a blue moon. So it could be worse. So what brings about the urge to regurge? An incident with my boyfriend, who by the way I've known for 6 months and been living with for 3 (do the math-I know, I move quick-reel em in :) ) anyway, we're both very sensitive, in a good way, but I was having this horrific low blood sugar-oh yeah, I need to mention he has an offic e in our garage. He takes vintage macs, spruces 'em up andf sells them on e-bay-I had already had 2 cups of pudding and I brought an apple into his office where he was taking pictures of the macs and putting them on the computer. i finished the apple and my boyfriend then proceeded to complain that I was disrupting his work. I knew he didn't understand and I knew he would feel bad later for bitching at me and I knew he was just stressed cause of work but I just had to get out of there. Not out of spite but just because I really had to eat more. So I went down to the apartment and ate and ate so now I feel better. Now I just5 have to be careful not to go in the opposite direction, but I gave some insulin so that should cover it. It's kind of complicated. All you need to know is that diabetes is a constant balancing act. Things have been alot easier since I got the insulin pump. I don't really have highs but I still have alot of lows. Oh well. that's life. I don't mean to bitch about it so much, usually I deal with it pretty well, but I am human and I do have my moments. By the way, if you've gotten this far I also have bi-polar and dystonia, which I'm sure I'll describe at length in further posts. namaste.